Body Rehab - February 16, 2021
Today is my first day off of food. It took a bit longer than I had hoped for to get to this point of food elimination, but that is because I saw the need to taper myself off properly by slightly easing my way toward cutting the food out. (Especially because of that one-off A&W test that messed me up.)
I started with a bit of water, and got into building weighted a base for stabilizing my simple little punching bag, all while picking my way through working out. When I got through the punching bag thing, I came in and made my first round of tea. The tea carried me for quite awhile, but I'd also take a schwill of juice every whenever.
I did OK without food. Most of any issue I might have had was just in my head with thoughts rooted in perplexment. It seemed too easy, at least it was easy next to the expectation I had built up when thinking about it. I thought it would be significantly more of difficult than it was, but the opposite was true. It was a quite a breeze.
I had four little moments of a questioning struggle, but nothing I needed to summon any discipline to overcome. Three different times I wanted to have a trail mix granola bar, and the fourth time is that I wanted to have a banana with my Vega mix. I even told myself that it was "only a banana," but the reasoning in my mind was that if I put even just that one lowly banana in my drink mix, then tomorrow I would have to start all over again, and I just blew the opportunity to get the most out of today. Also, if I now had to start tomorrow, then I would be starting a day behind.
There is also the most important reason to overcome...
If I say it's OK to cave in this time, it's gonna be easier for me to do it again next time, which makes it easier and easier to fall further into that trap. On top of that, each time I would cave into temptation, I would have to start all over again, and with the ease at which I would have become accustom to giving in, I could end up starting all over again and again, caught in a circular void. That dangerously leads me to stealing from my potential and blatantly throwing away so much time, and then put me repetitively back at the beginning to robbing me from myself. I know how hard I can be on myself, so I can't do that as it would put me in a real nasty space of viciously cursing myself out over and over for basically being a total weak piece of shit. It would make for a real nasty train wreck up in my head. I can't afford everything that would push down on my mind...and the riveting consequential ripples throughout my body that would follow.
It would make me even angrier, which I know would spiral out of control because of the way I can tear myself to pieces. Being my own worst enemy is an understated cliche from the way I will go at myself when I cave to excuse and temptation like that. The venom I can spew on myself for that is quite remarkably epic, and no thanks, I don't want any part of it.
(**I took these few second videos for my bro, Dayton. I got the lumber from him.)
Much more stable