Masks And The Value Of My Life - Part 3 - Watching The Blow-back From The New Restrictions
Like the first two parts, all the online craziness caused me to spontaneously write this (without reading it as well)...
After seeing the crazy blow-back from both sides about masks (pro vs anti) with the new restrictions that just came down, I'm still the odd one out. I don't have any problem with the mask thing, but for me, it's a really bad thing that has put me in a tight spot...
I was supposed to die the day I was born as a lining in my lungs was not fully developed. I couldn't breathe properly and doctors didn't expect me to make it through the first 24 hours. I fought for three days til I got in the clear. I amazed and baffled doctors. (Something that would become my long-term norm.) I literally had to fight right out of the gate just to have a chance at life. Yes, that was at the start of December in 1973, but there is more to my story, so much more.
For around 10 years (about 8 or 9 to 19 years old) I had vicious migraines that could be quite debilitating...where I would have one insanely painful headache for 2-3 weeks solid 2-4 times a year. Aside from the direct crippling pain, it made me light headed, I'd see spots (like if you look straight into a light, and then look away), collapsing from getting out of bed or getting up from sitting down was not out of the ordinary from that very light headedness. I had all the tests you could, and no pain pills would do a thing. By chance, and the observation of some kind of talking therapist, and then some experimenting of my own, I was able to figure out how to control a lot of it...a big source of the problem being red meats.
(I don't know what kind of therapist she was, but I was seeing her for the next major thing that was soon to rewrite my entire life.)
That history of migraines has made me very susceptible to insanely painful headaches.
...now where the real story begins...
I'll keep this part short for what it is. When I was 19, on September 8, 1993, I developed a cold. At the end of September, my cold turned into a viral flu. By Christmas time I could barely walk or move because of very insanely agonizing pain throughout my entire body. Mid-January 1994, I got my official diagnosis, which was the first of several more to come. I had a rare form of arthritis called, Reiter's Syndrome, and I was told, quite coldly, "get used to it, because there is no cure, and you're gonna be like this for the rest of your life." I was barely 20 years old as I had just had my birthday at the start of December. I wasn't even able to properly register the magnitude of the pain I was in throughout my entire body because it was far beyond anything comprehendable. That was only the beginning. Since then I have developed Ankylosingspondylitis (2001) as well as Rheumatoid Arthritis (2014) as my body keeps breaking down more and more. It doesn't stop there though. I have some mysterious internal issues that doctors have not been able to figure out. In March of 2016, I developed something to do with excess fluid on my brain that is rare. I had to see a neurologist, have a CT Scan, and then go see a brain surgeon. The brain surgeon gave me the same answer I have long become so accustomed to since 1993...
"There's nothing we can do. Even if I drilled holes in your skull to drain it out, it wouldn't do anything, and would just persist, so you have to get used to it because you are going to have this for the rest of your life."
What everything amounts to is that I have agonizing pain throughout my entire body. I have severe arthritis in literally every joint in my body (even in my face and skull), all my tendons and ligaments are calcifying and hardening, my muscles all feel ripped and torn. My liver hurts, my kidneys hurt, my lungs hurt to breathe, my bones hurt...all of them, and it even hurts for clothes to touch my skin, and my head to touch my pillow. I wear as little as possible, meaning, shorts through the winter. I wear flip flops and bare feet in the snow because I can't reach my feet to deal with shoes and socks. I can't stand up straight, and if I try, I can barely breathe at all because of the restriction, pain, and chain reactions it all sets off. I have lost so many years of my life from being bed-ridden, and the like. I have only slept one night through since 1993, which was in January 2001. (Yes, I can remember that date as it was a momentous thing.) I've gone 9 1/2 months where I could only sleep for about 15 minutes twice a day because of the pain I was in. I was unable to lie down, and the combination of pain, and exhaustion from it, would often cause me to collapse to the ground. Collapsing to the ground would make everything way worse because not only was I already in the pain/exhaustion I was in, all of that got exponentially compounded from the impact of hitting the floor. It made it so I was stuck in a pile on the floor because I was in too much pain to get move, let alone, get up. The longer I would be down there, the worse the pain would get...and I would be screaming into agony to the point where it gave me insanely bad head aches, which just made everything worse. So, I would be stuck on the floor, screaming in pain, trying to figure out how to get up. The bottom line is that my only choice was to suck it up and push through it. It would be the worst thing ever, and even if I was able to get to my feet, half of the time, it would cause such light headedness from all the pain as well as the headaches from screaming, I would collapse back down to the ground again...and then the real shit would begin. That would be my challenge throughout each day, hence the 15 minutes of sleep at a time.
I've gotten stuck in my clothes while taking shirts off, or putting them on, because the pain was so bad in my neck and skull, that I couldn't continue, then like a bad comedy movie, I would walk around banging into furniture and walls with a shirt over my head that I couldn't get off. I would actually laugh when that would happen because it was just the height of ridiculousness. It really freaked out a couple of new friends to my life once when they saw it. I've had to live in the same clothes 24 hours a day for like 10 or 11 days at a time because it hurt too much to deal with them. I used cut my throat a bunch when trying to shave because I couldn't move my head properly upward. Often I would bail part way through a shave because of it, and wouldn't care about having a partially shaved face because that was the least of my worries.
I can't lift my arms all the way over my head, and very often can't even reach the top of my head. I've choked on food from not being able to swallow it because of the pain in my jaw/face and neck.
Then there is the whole thing of suffocating with my mouth open...
I can get shots of pain that hit so hard in my torso that it won't let my chest expand and contract, which makes it so my lungs can't work. So even with my mouth open, I can't get air in or out. That took some real getting used to. The first couple times was kind of scary, because as far as I knew, I was about to die because I very legitimately could not breathe, even with my mouth open. It was always a race against time in terms of how long it took for my body's pain to start loosening its grip to where I would get to the point where I would basically start hyperventilating to get a hold of every tiny little spec of air that I could. (Through everything I have been through, that's right at the top of the list of things I don't like.)
Since 1993, I have seen, worked with, or whatever, over 300 healers of all different kinds, and nothing has worked. I'm just that guy. I have baffled and mystified doctors as they have never seen anything like me.
My only doctor I've seen consistently since 2002, who has seen me through so much stuff, only found out about the issues surrounding my birth when I went in for a CT Scan this July to rule out a brain tumor in my skull. She couldn't believe that I haven't developed asthma, as the people who survive being born the way I was pretty much are guaranteed to develop asthma. Not me. I'm the, "no one has ever seen anything like me" kinda guy! The problem in my skull, luckily it wasn't a tumor, but it is more of what I am used to hearing, another one of those, "get used to it, you're just like that now," kind of things to add to the pile as it is from where the tendons/ligaments attach to my skull from my neck.
Needless to say, my breathing is quite shallow, and it hurts to do.
I also have a pain in my chest that always feels like I am about to have a heart attack at any moment. If I let it get to me, it can be quite unnerving because one aspect of the Reiter's Syndrome that I have had since 1993 is that a valve can give out in my chest at any moment or something like that. (I gave up reading about it after around 15 years, because no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, my body never cared, it just does what it does and I just deal with it.)
Enter in this whole mask thing into my reality, but first let's summarize...
-I was supposed to die the day I was born because my lungs weren't fully developed
-I had a decade of severe debilitating migraines leaving me very susceptible to insane head aches from outta nowhere
-I have pain in every joint in my body, all my tendons and ligaments, all my muscles and bones hurt, and so do my kidneys, liver, lungs, as well as how it hurts for clothes to touch my skin, and even for my head to touch my pillow
-I have shallow breath that is driven from pain
-My doctor cannot believe that I don't have asthma
-I can get shots of pain that cause me to suffocate with my mouth open, which leave me gasping for air that I cannot get
-I had to get a CT Scan (this July) to rule out a brain tumor because of the months and months of insane pain in my skull, that turned out to be from where my tendons and ligaments attach to my skull
-I've also had numerous concussions (haven't mentioned that part yet)
-I've only slept one night through since 1993, and as little as 15 minutes of sleep twice a day for a 9 1/2 month stretch (I'm on a different level of exhaustion.)
There's nothing on my body, inside and out, that doesn't hurt every second of every day...for 27 years.
It doesn't matter how you want to look at it, the shallowness of my breath from the inside because of the pain in my lungs and generated in my torso, or the pain from touching me outwardly, especially in my skull...
Masks are fuckin' dangerous for me to wear!
I've had a severely compromised immune system for 27 years. My body is completely ravaged in pain and loss of mobility, and constantly breaking down more and more til the day I die. I'm as high risk as one can get for all this COVID-y stuff, but it doesn't change the fact that...
Masks are fuckin' dangerous for me to wear!
I'm so far over qualified for this mask exemption, but the short sighted people in the government, and in this instance, Bonnie Henry, they don't give a damn about me, because at the moment, even though I can't lift my arms outstretched above my head, I can lift them to my ears, so I am not exempt. She is not protecting me, she is putting me in danger because of short sightedness and not thinking things through.
As I eluded to in another thing all this just made me write, is that I'm the odd one out who doesn't matter...everyone else matters, just not me. Slip through the cracks, just like always. I don't care if everyone is on quarantine lockdown, that's fine, because that is fair, but when it is mandated that the only way I can be around anyone is by putting on a mask that literally puts me in danger...lock me away from the world for apparently my own sake and everyone else's.
I'm used to being the odd one out, the one who doesn't fall into any category, but I don't like being treated like a second class citizen. Now that I can be fined for caring about my safety, I know that it is literally a crime for having illness.
Everyone counts but me...the so-called vulnerable and the healthy...just not me.
The thing that pisses me off more than anything, are all these healthy people that constantly bombard everyday with their speaking up for, and defending the so-called vulnerable with this mask stuff. The reason I say so-called, is because I am as high risk as one can get, but a mask is the worst thing for me.
When all these healthy assholes are trying to do all their virtue signaling, or whatever you call it, by speaking for, or on behalf of, the vulnerable, the height of arrogance and insult within that is hard to quantify! You're treating us like babies who can't speak for ourselves. To that, I say, "Go fuck yourself!" because I can speak for myself just fine! You healthy people don't speak for me ever. Ever! You have no idea what you're talking about outside of your own self-induced arrogance. You have made it loud and clear that I don't matter, but I'll say this, speak for yourself, and leave it at that. I'll speak for myself just fine! *I am not an anti-mask person at all (wear one, or don't, I couldn't care less), there's just more to it than people are seeing.
**I spoke with the people from the Government of BC about medical exemptions because I want to do it all correctly and official. It starts with a note from my doctor, but from there, even with a legit written exemption, businesses can still refuse your patronage, which tells me that that exemptions don't mean anything, and by putting it in their press conferences and on their website, are just a way for the government to cover their ass...because why would an exemption even exist if you can still be denied?! It makes literally no sense!