Reflections On Being Tested By My Spirit Animal - The Bald Eagle

Not the best swimming environment right now...

(I started writing mid thought while into some wild-crafting...)

...but I fucked up, and I have to rectify that. The only truth I am going to find is by taking it up with the creator in the water and mountains under the heavens in a way that is going to shred me to pieces on every level in a place of ultimate vulnerability...alone in the middle of a large body of water in the dead of night.

I have to earn my way back to myself, and see if I'm worthy of being able to go after the potential I know that's there. This whole eagle thing has really kicked me in the head with the levity of what I am walking into. I felt like that was the first test sent to me through my lifelong spirit animal.

I was calm...

I was laughing...

I was at peace...

I stood my ground!

I had a talk with the eagle the next day.

I stood my ground!

It came back the third day and watched me from a nearby tree for awhile, and then calmly flew away in its gorgeous majestic way that it does. The same way that grabbed me as a child in my imagination from a National Geographic magazine.

As is instinctive, I was in complete awe watching it fly away when I was back out deep. It was in that moment I felt that...

I passed!

Now I feel kind of worthy to be given the chance to take this intense journey that is going to challenge everything I know of myself.

I have no idea how it's all going to unfold, but I know it will be the right way, and I will come out of it changed. The real question is,

"What will that change be?"

Change is so often found in the void of the unknown, so it isn't the best place to look for an answer, nor certainly is it not the place to expect one, so I'll just have to wait and see. The unknown holds no deterrence for me though because I take comfort knowing that however it goes for me will be the right way.

I'm stuck on mistakes right now, and my shoulders feel the weight. I have to earn my way back from that, and the first step is by letting go. I have an idea of what I have to do next. I can only hope I'm treading through in the proper direction, but only time will tell...

The one thing I'm kinda taken aback by, is the reaction from others. The quick lil' story I wrote about it ended up on national radio. That was crazy. What was crazier though, was when I quickly popped into friend's place. He was working on his new shop with a friend. I was surprised when he knew the story already and said people are talking about it. I just went into town this morning, and more people said things to me...

I don't get that.

Yeah, it was a majestic moment that I got to have, but I have had a lot of those. That's just what happens when you spend time in the natural world. It shouldn't be a surprise to expect encounters with natural animals when you're in their hood. That's just normal, so I don't see what the big deal is.

For me, those have always been about closeness with the natural divine in the natural world. There is an aliveness in that closeness that I have never found anywhere else. Standing face to face with a bear is an adrenaline rush of exhilarance like no other. It feels like the power of life from all the elements hits you like a cyclone and then funnels right through you into this tornado of swirling bliss within. It's magikal. A sensation unlike any other.

That has become instinctively natural to me, so it does take me a bit off kilter to see the reactions others have been expressing to a simple interaction between me and my divine.

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