The Brief Story That Led To Me Writing About Food Unintentionally
I did a burger tour of Nelson, BC in the summer of 2017. The whole reason for the burger tour was to specifically prove a very arrogant chef wrong after we had gotten into a huge fight because I kept getting sick from the food in his restaurant...and many others had as well. I had personally been sitting at the bar in the restaurant after work, and watched five consecutive tables bring back food to the server, and were totally pissed off. I'd even personally been told about people getting sick...by the very people themselves. It wasn't uncommon by any means.
So, we got in a huge screaming match, where the chef just wouldn't accept it. He made excuses for everyone else who had bad experiences, and then tried to repeatedly tell me that my problem was because of food allergies...that I don't have. I said that wasn't true, that I could anything at any friend's house, anything from the grocery store, anything off the menu at any restaurant, and even the bulk pepperoni's at the 7-11 that everyone has their grubby hands in, and yet still be fine, that it was only his restaurant where I got sick...every time I ate there. (**The 7-11 pepperoni's...I'd get those for my dogs, and take a small nibble off the end of one piece.)
I do have some food issues, but nothing to do with burgers, and besides, it was everything I ate in that place that got me sick, not just burgers, but they were the worst offender. You also can't discount the whole host of other people who had terrible experiences themselves. So, my burger tour was literally to set out and prove him wrong. That was literally the one and only reason I did it. Of course, it proved to be a successful experiment. I went to 15 or 16 places, and even though there were a few terrible ones, like this one from the Uptown Tavern, I never came even close to getting sick...horrified, maybe, but not sick...until I had his again. (I saved his for near the end because I wanted to get as much "research" done as I could beforehand, and also, I wanted nothing to do with it, so it was a matter of putting it off. The last line in this first post that I wrote about the burnt burger from The Uptown is a direct shot at that chef. (Since then, he had been fired and then the restaurant closed down not too long later.)
This was my second stop on the burger tour I did in 2017, but it was the first one I wrote about. This burger tour, just to prove a point, is how I kind of fell into sometimes writing about food. The more I posted, the more people liked it, except the ones that didn't like when I was honest about garbage burgers...like this Uptown one. My formula is very, very simple:
If you serve me good food, I will say good things.
If you serve me garbage food, I will say garbage things.
My words reflect exactly what you put on my plate, and expect me to pay my hard earned money for.
STOP #2 - Uptown Tavern - July 24, 2017 $20.?? after tax, before tip (I forgot to keep bill. I think it was $20.25)
On the second stop of my little Nelson Burger Tour I went to the Uptown Tavern at the Adventure Hotel. I think that's what it's called...I still think of it as The Lord Nelson from years ago.
It was later in the night and so I didn't have as much choice, so I went there. Although I have eaten at Louie's Steakhouse a few times (in the same building) it was the first time I had ever eaten there.
It was pretty empty in there and I was cool with that. I don't like loud-ass restaurants. I just walked up to the bar and ordered a burger and ginger ale. Same toppings when possible: Jalapeno's, cheese, and bacon. I figure if I'm gonna have a burger, I'm gonna have a fuckin' BURGER!
I picked a seat that had straight view of two of the zillions of TV's all over the walls. I sat down and watched the TSN top 10 of sport kicks...like a NASCAR driver who ran and did a double leg kick into another guy's car, and a baseball hitter who kicked the catcher. Those kinds of kicks. 🙂 On the other TV was American Ninja Warrior. Not really my thing, but a way to stare while waiting for food.
When the burger came it looked a little strange to me. The bun was like a thin little cheese or pizza lookin' bun. There was a pitiful amount of fries too.
I asked my server for a steak knife so I could cut it in half and take a photo of it. The Baker Street Grill at The Best Western brings them automatically.
It was kinda dark in there, so I couldn't really see too much of what it looked like. As I have decided to do on this little tour, I took a few photos, and a video of me cutting it in half, so maybe they will reveal something more when I see them.
Once I did that I picked 'er up and dug in. First bit was OK, but also kinda gross. It just tasted burnt...like I was eating charcoal. I took another bite and the same thing happened. I took a schwill of my ginger ale to try and wash away the charcoal-y taste in my mouth. That made shit worse though as the ginger ale was flat and watery tasting. Not a good start.
I don't like cutting burgers in half 'cause they are more apt to fall apart in your hand that way it seems. Oh well, just gotta pay more attention to holding onto it.
I kept going through the burger. Nothing changed though. Bite after bite was charcoal after charcoal. Grosser and grosser. The ginger ale only seemed to get worse. It didn't seem possible to get flatter and flatter, but it sure found its way to the land of worst ginger ale perhaps of all time.
So, there I was chewing on shitty charcoal and sipping flat-ass watery ginger ale. I always have had the opinion that a burger is the easiest thing to make for a restaurant and should tell you everything you need to know about the standard of the place. Well, based on this burger...I am never eating there again. Ultra burger fail. The one plus is that although it was gross as fuck, it didn't make me sick, so yes, I will give it that.
I did say I wouldn't go back there, but three years later I did for Nelson's annual Burger Month competition. You can see that their standards are still quite lacking because The Uptown Tavern's entry for the 2020 competition was an embarrassing disgrace!
Since my 2017 burger tour, many people had started asking where the best place to go is. The hands down winner at the time, and still is the most solid burger in town on just your regular night, is at Finley's Bar & Grill. Every person I had sent there has thanked me for it, with 100% success.
Just so you can see the utter fail of that burger from that place that kept getting me sick, I'm putting it here...
When I posted this with no caption, one of the comments was lifted from an 80's TV commercial... "Where's the beef?!"
Trust me, that was the least of the problems...